Most of you do not know the woman behind the Avatar. The OOC person who portrays the sexy, flirty, devious Vampiress with a black jaguar for a protector, an Italian Bonded Vampire as her mate, demons as friends and who takes in Fae, Weres, Pixies and Humans as her family. We all know that this is just a role-play site and that somewhere, underneath all those layers is a real person. No matter what name I am called, I am still a person with a life other than the one my friends and I have created. Hence, the reason I am writing this to you.
I, the real live person, had to sit down tonight and explain to a young girl I call daughter, why her mother committed suicide. Since you don’t know me then you don’t know that I take in street kids. No, not Weres, Pixies and the like but real street kids, the ones who have been lost between the cracks of an already overloaded system and parents who have given up on them and the system both. Shocking, but true that in our society we can just throw our hands up and say, “that’s it, I’m done,” especially to a child of your own flesh and blood. To date I have 5 living with me and two are girls who have been with me all through high school, graduated and gone on to have jobs. They chose to stay because they are loved, welcome and have what they didn’t have before, a family. Tonight, was one of those nights when I think I would have given anything to be single and alone again instead of a surrogate mother who had to sit down and give one of her daughters the worst news anyone could receive.
Tonight, I had to look into the confused eyes of a girl and tell her that her flesh and blood mother had been found dead in her home. Cause of death to be determined but the police think it was a suicide. I remember when I was 17 and on the receiving end of this news. Only for me it came in the form of a doctor, covered in my mother’s blood, telling me she was gone. Yes, I’m a survivor of suicide. Several in fact, not something I’m proud to be able to say. And I am a survivor because suicide is harder on those left behind than the person who has committed the act. We survive suicide. Their pain is over and ours has just begun. Now comes the shock, pain, grief, guilt and anger that accompany this horrific tragedy. I had to tell her how much pain her mother was in, not from an illness or accident but pain so deep it buries itself in your soul to become a part of you. You can’t hide from it, walk away from it, will it away or even medicate it enough to find relief. Their only solution is one that ends up passing pain and grief over to the ones who love them, who will miss them and ask the question, why?
I have been down this path many times. Nothing was ever as hard as being told about my own mother until tonight. For as I sat and watched the emotions play on my girls face, I saw myself and thought how I would gladly take her place. After all, I had survived it once, I could do it again for her. Sadly, life and death do not work that way and I have no choice but to dry her tears, hold her in my arms and remind her that she is loved no matter who bore her. That her mother is no longer suffering and it is up to us who remember her to continue on living and strive to find peace and happiness in our own lives.
Please, this morning, afternoon, night, grab your loved ones and hold them close. Tell them you love them with all your heart and soul. Cherish every single moment you can with them and try very hard to put strife and anger out of your lives. None of us knows what’s waiting around the corner and heaven forbid the phone should ring in the middle of the night. One of the worst feelings in the world is the one that continuously brings us back to that question of, what if? What if has no answer; it can never be explained, fixed or realized. What if is just that, what if.
Thank you for reading and please, say a prayer for my girl, Jamie.
I write this for Jamie, Linda and myself.
I write this for all who have survived this.
Prayers, love and comfort surround us and
God keep us safe ~ Until We Meet Again~
No comments:
Post a Comment